Only Human

'The fuck are ya starin' at, ya ancient piece of shit?' the youth with skull tattoos drawn like a sleeve on his muscled arm spat at me.
'Nothing', I replied quietly.
'What didtcha say? If ya have some'in t'say, why not say it to my fuckin' face?' he yelled before he slammed his fist onto the metal table, flipping over my half-finished meal. Several guards came and then started beating him up. And then turned to me and started beating me up as well.

1 week left.

Routines.
Mindless drones they made us into. We were treated less than human, because we are. Because you were only human if you had compassion and empathy, if you contributed back to society. We didn't. We harmed society and then continued to leech off the country's resources like parasites that plagued mankind. We deserved every single abuse, all the times where our basic human rights were taken away, more than what we deserved, more than what the system demanded. Because we were less than human.

The first half of my life was wonderful. My parents, my wife, my children, my career. That was why it took them so long to catch me. A happy man, why would he do such horrible things? Tailored suits, travelled only first class, the typical suburban dad who belonged to a perfect family and the demographic that the government demanded less from because they were already contributing to the nation's economic growth. But then they did catch me. I must admit, it was complacency on my side.

5 days.

'You ever got fucked before?' a voice asked me. I ignored it and turned over to the other side of my hard mattress.
'You're so fucking old, I'm sure you have', it continued. 'What was it like? Was it the same if you did it with little girls? See, I thought all of 'em cried when they get fucked. Didn't know the bigger ones enjoyed it. I tried to make 'em quiet, see? Thought if I kept 'em in a room full of pretty toys and dolls, they wouldn't cry, see? But, no. They still fucking cried', I heard a bang in the room next to me before I fell asleep.

3 days.

My wife left me, even though I was the one who physically went away, she took away our children and engineered them into hating me. She thought I wasn't human, because of the 'lack of love'. It wasn't true. She was the love of my life and our children filled up an empty hole I never knew I had until they were gone. She was a hypocrite. Throughout the 15 years we built, she kept on preaching about respect and open-mindedness, how just because other people think differently, it didn't mean that they were wrong. When she found out about my actual hobby and interests, when I opened up to her thinking she would love me more, she broke down and cried. That was my downfall, and like I said, complacency on my side.

The other half of my life I spent in what I could describe as being sucked into a black hole of pain. Physical, emotional, there wasn't any difference between the two anymore. I learnt to live with it, to accept it as a part of my life and soon enough, I was resilient to the pain they purposely inflicted upon me. The beatings, the memories they brought up again and again.

1 day.

Pancakes and blueberry syrup. I wrote on the paper. I used to wake up early on Sundays and cook them with my children. They would put them on a big serving plate and take them to the room while my wife pretended to sleep. They wanted her to wake up with a surprise. She always acted the part for them, and they would buy it, even if it was a routine.

2 hours.

Here I am sitting in a darkly lit room, to be with my thoughts. In two hours, I would be put down for something I did nearly 3 decades ago. It didn't matter that I repented. That I would take it all back with a blink of an eye, that I would kill myself just to prove it. I suffered with the guilt and now it was time to suffer no more.

54 minutes.

As I walked towards the chair in shackles, every step was a clang produced by metal against metal. There was no dread. Only excitement leading up to relief. I didn't belong in this world.

'Any last words?' they asked. I shook my head. Last words were for humans. I was not human. I could never be human.