Saturday, October 25, 2014

Stressor

Becoming accustomed to that pain,
The centre of your chest,
Your self-esteem slain,
Why, you ask,
Why.
It's for the best.

Self-hatred,
Only cuts can make you feel better,
An escape, a punishment,
For failures of the past,
And the future,
Why, you ask, why.
To make yourself better.

You break your bones,
Laughter at inattention,
Colours and doodles on the cast.
You break your heart,
No pens nor glitter can fix,
Only tears and time.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, they say,
They don't know about disorder,
The malevolence that comes after,
A loathing state of mind,
With no rapturous subconscious,
All towards yourself,
For the past you can't put aside,
For the beast within you try your best to hide.

Get a grip, they say,
Buck up,
Stop it,
You're being emotional,
Keep your priorities straight.

They do not understand.

They do not
Understand

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

You Should Have Kept Your Hood On

I found that I had boarded the wrong bus. I realised after it took a different turning, driving too off tangent from the route it was supposed to take in order for me to get to the bus stop near my home. I suppressed a groan and looked around. Besides the sound of the retiring engine and other cars passing by, it was an eery silence. The usual chatter of women gossiping and arguments from businessmen on the phone were entirely absent. Everyone was quiet and still, aside from the on and off shuffling of legs and craning of heads. Dafuq, I thought as I leaned back into the tattered leather seat, eyebrows knitting together. I'll get off the next stop, then. Shouldn't take more than ten minutes. Why does shit like this always happen to me?

Almost twenty minutes passed and the bus still hasn't stopped. It was around 7.30 pm when I first boarded it, now that the sun has set, it was already dark outside. The bus had taken me to a part of the town I never knew existed. The road was unfamiliar to me, and the buildings looked old, probably designed based on the colonial era. Even so, most of them looked run down and abandoned. The street lamps were dim, and weren't much help with illumination. For the past twenty minutes I never heard a sound coming from any of the passengers. I looked at the woman sitting next to me. She was dressed in a black robe, almost like a nun's habit. Her dark hair curtained her pale poker face. She was staring into space, eyes zoned out.

'Excuse me', I broke the silence with a mere whisper.

All 30 plus people on the bus snapped their heads at me, glaring at me through unnaturally wide eyes. I ignored them and directed my question to the woman. 'Sorry, but, er, where is this bus heading? I think I got on the wrong one', I said sheepishly. She looked at me and blinked once, twice, and then turned her head back in front and continued to stare at the parallel passenger's head.

Wow. Thanks for the helpful information. Someone give this bitch a Nobel prize, I thought while rolling my eyes. I was becoming uneasy. Another ten minutes passed without the bus giving any indication of stopping. It was completely dark outside, too dark for the naked eye to see anything but trees that appeared and disappeared from the light emitting from the bus. I concluded that we had already left the city, for there were no buildings to be seen.

I was very exhausted. That was partly the reason why I didn't do anything sooner. I checked my phone, which battery I was preserving. No signal. My mind started racing. This is a public bus. Have I been kidnapped? It didn't make sense for 30 people to kidnap me. I didn't know any of these mofos, too. Was this some sort of cult?

Only then I realised that everyone on the bus was wearing the same black robes the woman next to me wore. They all had the same blank expression, and there were no children at all. I started panicking. 'Is this a kidnap?' I asked aloud in a strained voice that was leaking with fear. I expected them to snap their heads at me again, but to my pleasant surprise, they ignored me. I stood up from my seat, almost falling backwards. I cleared my throat and gathered what little confidence I had left. 'If this is a kidnapping, I'll have you know that my father is chief inspector!' I shouted.

Ignored.

'Fuck ya'll, I've had enough of this', I muttered to myself and began to walk to the driver seat, trying my best to ignore the silence that was painfully deafening. While balancing myself on the rocking vehicle, I reached to the front of the bus, and in a few steps, to the bus driver only to find out...

... There wasn't one. The bus was driving itself. I sat on the seat and tried to hit the brake pedal. It wouldn't budge. I reached out for the steering wheel and tried to divert it off the road. It wouldn't turn. I took out my phone again. 'Please, please, please', I said again and again as I started to sob. I dialled 911 eventhough I knew I couldn't get a reception. I thought of breaking the window and jumping off, wondering whether I could survive the fall. At this speed, I would have a better chance fighting off these fuckers with my hands tied up. As I was about to give up and slump on the seat, the steering wheel turned anti-clockwise and changed its course. The bus started slowing down. It reached its destination. I planned to make a run for it as soon as the bus opened its doors, but before I could even move, a pair of strong, stone cold hands grabbed my arms painfully and held me in place. I struggled, and without notice, was knocked out by an unknown blunt force.

I woke up in the middle of a clearing. The field stretched out as far as my eyes could see in the dark. The only light was from the fire torches flickering, held by robed, hooded figures. They stood in a circle and I was the centre. My hands and legs were tied to a wooden pole that was stuck to the ground. More wood surrounded me. I was wet. Doused in kerosene, my thoughts immediately went to the darkest side of my mind.

'What do you want?' I shouted at no particular figure. 'Please! If you want money, I have money! Just please don't- don't hurt me!'

With that, one of the hooded figures walked out of the circle and walked towards me. My chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. I couldn't breathe in the panic. 'Please. I have a family. Just let me go. I beg you', I pleaded once more.

The figure stopped right in front of my face, shadows casted from the torched made him look sinister. He took his hood off. I choked back vomit.

'Daddy?' I sobbed. 'Daddy, why?'

'You're my first born, baby. My sacrifice. Thank you.'